"Normal"

When I was in middle school IF, and thats a big "if", I brought friends to my home I made sure they were solid friends, friends that no matter what wouldnt be scared away and would stick by my side. Because once they walked into my home I had to prep them on how to behave, speak and even where to walk or sit in order not to trigger my mother's embarrassing behavior. She would have out bursts or "flip" for anything and I didnt want that scene when my friends were around. Sadly, my baby sister still has to do that...almost 15yrs later.

As I grew older, into high school, I learned to lean on those friends. I learned to love and cherish my friends fiercely because they represented some sort of "normal" peace. Even if their life was "crap" (like parents smoking weed while preparing dinner for the family, while the kids drank beer) it was better then me dealing with home because at least people were happy and I didnt have to walk on egg shells.

I eventually taught myself (and some of my friends) how to behave in a way that manipulated my mother into being the type of mom I thought of as normal. If I said things or did things a certain way she would act "normal" and I could enjoy a social life which at times included my mother. I loved my mother and I desired a relationship from her but for whatever reason it wasnt there.

So when I got older and tried to rely on my mom I soon realized 1) she was my crutch (as usually develops in dysfunctional relationships) and 2) unlike what I thought was "normal", every assistance came with a price. After high school my friends became more my family then my actual family. Thankfully I have developed a better relationship with my siblings but I still dont have one with my mother.

I have gone from fighting my mom to trying my damndest to have a relationship with her (which entailed alot of bottling of emotions and thoughts), to almost having that relationship to calling the cops on my mom. We are now at a place where I am done. I am done trying to manipulate my mother into being "normal", I am done walking on egg shells, I am done trying to have a relationship. Our relationship is distant, I keep her at arms length, she cant get in: in my life, in my kids life, in my work, in my marriage. If she stays out then I stay out of her life all while occasionally enjoying brief, civil conversation about our mutual love: my children.

But why is it that NOW after all those years of me trying and explaining and arguing that NOW she wants to ask me for a relationship?! Why after all those years of calling me names, hurting me physically and emotionally and basically dropping me on my face to fend for myself when I had no way of doing so(as she did with all my other siblings, currently my poor baby sister)...why now does she think I would give her that?!

I felt bad for years that I wasnt being a "good Christian", I felt like it wasnt right of me to "turn my back on her" I HAD to be the good daughter and suck it up so she could be happy. But I realized that separating myself is not a "bad" thing. I am putting myself in a better position to offer the love of Christ...just not the way she wants it because I'm done.

Its not THAT complicated

Ok, so contrary to my last post it really isnt THAT complicated. I changed my mind, which I am allowed to do since I am a multi-fasited female. I cry and laugh, often at the same time, I rage and feel sad, again, often at the same time. But many things in my life arent really that complicated.

As I mentioned in my previous post, when a woman flat out tells you what she wants you should listen. Putting your own spin on it isnt going to help you. Its going to make you look self-absorbed and uninterested in what she is saying. When she says "I want a day at the spa for my birthday" giving her a Ped Egg isnt the answer. When she says "I wanna go on a date to the theather" going to Pizza Hut and the bowling alley isnt the answer. Give her what she wants or dont give her anything at all.

Now there is something to be said about being gratful for what you get. When you ask for a new purse and dont get a Gucci but get a Gucci knockoff at least he tried. When you ask for flowers and he comes home with a boquet of the $5 roses of the side of the highway, at least he tried. But when a specific request is made and seemingly overlooked by your man presenting a completly differnt item/action/behavior that is when the self-absortion comes in and the man looks like a tool.

Of course this is all my personal opinion, so hopefully my husband will read this, but all those times your wife/girlfriend/mother/lover/chick friend said "just do what I say" or "listen to me and life will be easier" or something along those lines, if you actually did it, you'd be amazed at the results!

Its complicated

Women are complicated. How can we not be?! We create and sustain life, we are maid, nurse, driver, tailor, chef, teacher, banker, counselor, vet, sex-kitten and church mouse. Women do so many things our lives are complicated so are brains are likely to be complicated too.

We talk in code at times "I'm fine" REALLY means "I'm not fine, I'm - - -(fill in the blank: pissed, hurt, sad, tired)"..."Leave me alone" REALLY means "Dont leave me alone! Show me you care"..."Shut up!" REALLY means "Say something to fix what you just broke"...So it makes complete sense when men have no clue what we are talking about, AT TIMES.

There is no excuse when a woman flat out tells you what she needs or wants. Regardless of your thought on the matter, whether her need/want is relavent or not, regarless if you THINK you already did that, regardless of what she may have said 5 minutes ago. When a woman flat out tells you what she wants or needs MAN (this means you) you need to pay attention! With all the hats we wear we typically are not going to ask for help or ask for a need or want to be met by anyone else because we usually just do it ourselves or over look it. So when a woman requests something of you, MAKE IT HAPPEN! This will show your love and self-sacrifice and show her that she is #1 in your heart <3

...it isnt that complicated