Day: 39 - the letter

I enjoy writing, thats why I've blogged every day of this challenge. But I always have to warm myself up to it. I got to put my "fore thoughts" out there before the meaty "hind thoughts" come pouring out....

I'm looking back over old letters, emails, text messages (which some of them got steamy!) and blogs between us or about you and it makes me smile. We went so fast! Our relationship developed so quickly, it was exciting! That is, after I realized you liked me! Ha ha. I had an idea that maybe you sorta-kinda liked me but I wasnt sure. My mother even told me "Sarah, will you PLEASE open your eyes?!". But it wasnt hard to finally see. You'd have little "status messages" on Myspace that made me giggle. Or you offered to drive me to church.
I always say your eyes are so expressive and I remember looking into them and seeing joy, excitement, affection, infatuation and maybe hope...all mixed together. I could look at you and those beautiful brown eyes would give me butterflies!

Those eyes still give me butterflies. I like to look at you. I love to just soak you in and think about our fun beginning. And than think about how interesting our lives are and how they are going to be as we get older. Ha! Can you imagine us old and gray and still picking on each other? Me poking you in the ear and you breathing on my neck or head to give me the shivers? I wont be able to bite you because my dentures might fall out ;) ha ha.

The movie talked about "dont listen to your heart it can be fooled..." you need to think with your head and make conscious choices. I didnt always think that way. I usually did the opposite. Dont get me wrong, when it came to making important choices regarding our relationship I prayed and thought on it before I made any moves. But now that we're married its easier to lead with my heart. All the "tough" choices are made. When things dont seem perfect, "thinking" with my heart seems easier because it speaks so much louder than my brain. My heart will cry with joy or pain and thats so much easier to deal with than digging deeper and thinking clearly. There have been many times you hurt me. With your words or actions. I never thought that would come from you. Which made it hurt all the more. I put you on a pedestal and I realized I shouldnt have because that set you up for failure and set me up for disappointment. We're human and no human is perfect. No matter how much we'd like to be. Or how much we'd like the other to be.

So I'm learning and working on using my head instead of my heart. If the two work together well, than fine. But if they're in contrast to one another, I'm going to think with my head 1st. I'm going to pray for you. And pray for me. And pray for us. I'm making a promise to fight fair and to try my hardest to never do anything that would hurt you. Even if you hurt me. I will still continue to support you 100% and more in everything. Even if you dont believe me. I'm going to remember the good times and I'm going to remember that your good out weighs your bad. I'm going to remember that I'm not perfect and things I say or do can irritate the hell crap out of you, but despite that you still love me and kiss me and hug me. I'm going to try not to "nag" you (even though I despise that word and dont believe *I* am capable of such deplorable behavior. I'm going to make mental pictures of you with the kids and enjoy those for years to come. Just like I remember the night you mentioned me becoming your wife (I can tell you all about that night in detail later).

I committed my life to you and that will never change. I will work on making our marriage the best it can be and I will love you with my everything until the day I stop breathing.