Love Dare: Day 29

Day: 29
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Ephesians 6:7 (HCSB)
Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men.

Wow, day 29. I cant believe I've made it this far. There were a few times I was too angry to want to continue. I didnt care to work on our marriage and didnt care to make it better. Than there were other times when I was so happy I thought I didnt need this dare. We were doing just fine. But this dare isnt only about our marriage, its about the individuals. I have learned a lot about marriage and life in general thru out these 29 days. I have 11 more to go, I wonder how much more I can learn!

Last night I finally got around to dare 27. Yet I didnt apologize for what I had planned. I apologized for forcing him to go to FL. He made me feel horrible because he mentioned how I "screwed him" by making him return. We went tit for tat (as Mr Wonderful loves to say) with "I didnt MAKE you go, I gave you options." "No, you gave me an ultimatum." "No..." "Yes..." than we got quiet and shrugged it off. I feel bad on a daily basis that I put him in this situation.

There is a part of me that says "Why feel bad, he didnt feel bad when he 'tricked' you into staying here?" and another part doesnt believe thats true and can handle feeling bad. This hurt isnt near as bad as when I looked at my babies and thought of them growing up without their family. Or when I thought about not hugging my mother for months at a time. Or when I thought about Not seeing my sister drive or my nephew walk for the 1st time! I can go on and on. The point is *I* sacrificed much to do for my husband and in the long run we werent able to make our move work for reasons...that I hope and pray one day change.

But enough about ME. As I've mentioned many times before I always pray for my husband. Every night before bed. I used to pray every morning too but the lil Piglet has made that difficult. I'm so tired that once Mr Wonderful leaves and my head hits the pillow, I'm knocked out. But I will take some time to pray for him today. And pray for God to give him peace about our move. And pray that God will help him with any hurt I may have caused him by doing this to him. I love my husband with all of my heart, I'd never want to do anything to hurt him. Even though there are many times he hurts me.

Love Dare: Day 20

Love Dare - day 20
Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”


Romans 5:6(NIV)
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

Love Dare: Day 13

Love Dare - Day 13
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Mark 3:25 (NIV)
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

Nope, you're not seeing things, I've gone back to day 13. I was in the process of writing day 17 when Mr Wonderful and I got into a big argument. His temper is always a source of frustration for me and though I try to control my own temper, when I am pushed I tend to say hurtful things. And because I didnt lay the ground rules ahead of time we didnt fight fair. But I emailed him a lil while ago and told him we need a list of rules... I added more to the ones I already commited to:

1. I will seek first to understand, then to be understood
2. I will never raise my voice in anger or frustration
3. I will look for and own up to my own faults in any given situation
4. No mocking
5. No cussing
6. No hurtful comments

Sounds like we're back in kindergarten! lol But the basics of life are usually all you need. Mr Wonderful agreed that we need to work on that so hopefully we can keep each other accountable for that.

Love Dare: Day 15

Love Dare - Day 15

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.



Although I hadnt even read this morning's challenge I offered to iron Mr Wonderful's uniform for him. He refused but I told him I didnt mind, I'd do it. He will be at work until 10pm tonight and than he'll be gone all day tomorrow with an out of town gig. When I get home I think I'll clean up his "man hole" lol... we have a sun room that holds the computer desk, 2 amps, 3 guitars, music stand, CD's towers (I swear he has hundreds of CD's). Ok, lets be realistic, this mess can not be conqored in an evening. Especially if I have a colicy baby and a needy 10yo. I'll figure something out. I'm sure he wont notice, just as he didnt notice the clean car from a few dares ago, but at least I am making the effort.

Love Dare: Day 14

Love Dare - Day 14
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV)
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.

When I began this Love Dare I was sad, frustrated, upset, unsure and flat out desperate. We just had a baby 2 months ago, we were married 5 months ago and life is just a little hectic. It can be stressful. You'd think we'd be use to the whirlwind by now. We met in July 07, started dating in Sept. 07 and committed to each other by late Oct. - Nov. 07, we were making plans to move to a different state! But either way these changes made life difficult at best and my hormones didnt help either. I wanted wanted wanted and needed needed needed and if I didnt get it I got upset. It was all about me and my feelings. I'm thankful I was able to see that it isnt all about me and that I need to get out of my own way and allow God to rule in our marriage to make it what He's intended.

Being that we have an infant and a 10 year old at home its a little difficult to make time for each other. When I'm not nursing, cooking or cleaning I try to make time with my daughter. I feel like I'm neglecting her because I dont have as much time for her as I used to. And I'm too tired to pretend I have interest in the childish things she enjoys. But last night I made a meager attempt to spend time with him. I had to turn off auto pilot. My typical routine when I get home is kiss everyone, put down my things, and start on the kitchen OR nurse if I arrive at a certain time THAN hit the kitchen to cook and clean. But last night I started in on auto pilot and remembered the dare. I made myself a snack and sat at the couch to talk to Mr Wonderful. We cuddled and watched some TV for about an hour than Piglet woke up to eat and that began my busy night. After Monkey Face went to bed at 830, Mr Wonderful went out on our balcony to enjoy a stoogy and I finished nursing Piglet. I planed on going out to sit with him but I was so tired part way thru nursing that I couldnt keep my eyes open. I tried. And I'll try again. I'll make a point sometime this week to just BE with him.

Love Dare: Day 12

Love Dare - Day 12
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.

Philippians 2:4
4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

We had nothing to argue disagree about. Thank goodness...well I guess its a good thing and a bad thing. Our current unresolved issue is like a squater that we're pretending doesnt exist. When we do discuss it, it turns into an all out shout/cry/silent treatment-fest. I absolutly hate it. Even worse I cant help but feel trapped because of the way I got here and the fact that I may not get back. Back as in going home to FL. When I fell for Mr Wonderful he told me he was coming to TX to finish the degree he started in New Orleans, than we'd be coming home after a few years. I figured I could handle this. I told everyone when I left that leaving didnt upset me because it was only temporary...than we got here. Mr Wonderful changed his mind and said "why go back?" and decided to stay forever. Which completely ruins the dreams I had while growing up. And completely changed all plans I had for a life with him. And is really crushing my spirit.

I really hope this dare helps me learn something to use to get over this feeling because I resent him for doing this to me and than getting upset with me when I dont want to go along with the new plan. And although we made an agreement to return if X and Y arent fulfilled, but I'm losing faith that this will happen. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it and I cry often. Well, thinking about it is once again causing a sick stomach and tears so I'm going to move on with my day and pray to God for strength.

Love Dare: Day 7

Love Dare - Day 7
On a sheet of paper, write out positive things about your spouse. At some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for having the characteristic.

I Corinthians 13:7 (NIV)
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.



If you arent familiar with the verse about "It" is referring to love...as in "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes...". When I met my Wonderful Husband I knew, with out a doubt, that he was the one God had predestined to be my soul mate. Ok...so it took a little while for me to even catch on that he was interested in me, which is a story for another time, but once I realized he was interested, every thing else was clear. As a sexual abuse survivor I've always found comfort in hiding. Hiding inside myself and avoiding external interactions. I kept my friends and family at a distance and if I didnt know you, well, I wasnt going to know you. But something about this wonderful man gave me peace. I had trust that he wasnt going to do anything to hurt me, ever. And in feeling that peace I was able to open up immensely and share life, laughs and love. Break out the hanky, I'm getting mushy! lol



On our 1st Valentines Day we were seperated by a thousand miles and a few states. I was still in FL tying up lose ends in preperation to forever change me life and follow my "heart beat" (as my friend Patty Cake called him) to TX. So, I decided the best gift I could give was my love. I emailed him a list of 66 things I loved about him, here's a snipett...



1. You always make me laugh
2. I love the way I feel in your arms
3. Your smile is captivating
4. Your intelligence is very sexy
5. You love my baby girl
6. My hand fits in yours perfectly
7. You know me too well (which is surprising at times)
8. You never gave me the pity look
9. You have faith in me
10. I have faith in you




So my challange today is to come up with more things that I love about him. Being that its almost 2yrs from the day we started dating I think I can do that.



con't...

67. You ARE an awesome dad
68. I laugh every time Piglet pees on you
69. You overload the washer machine whenever you do laundry
70. You pick up Monkey Face from school when you're home from work
71. You work hard
72. You have tunnel vision..which can be very annoying, but I love you any way
73. You're very good with saving money
74. You've shared your love of music with Monkey Face
75. You encouraged Monkey Face to learn piano and Cello
76. Once a night you wake up with Piglet so I can catch some extra sleep
77. You're a romantic
78. I love when you get me flowers on random occasions
.....

There are more but I'm not going to bog down the blog with them all.