Hello? Any one out there?

Its September 5th and its been some time since I last wrote. Lots has gone one since that time! We have settled into our new place in Florida. Its a cute lil condo in St Cloud. Love it...well all but the 70's style wall paper in every flippin room of the house! Me and the ladies spent some time in Long Boat Key. Our little Piglet has mastered turning from back to belly, and successfully getting stuck in that position! Ha ha he hates it. Monkey Face turned 10! Double digits is a big age. Piglet went thru a rough patch when where he had thrush and teething issues. Mr Wonderful and I are still working on getting jobs going. He has some temp things going on and a bunch of gigs but I stil havent got anything. Hopefully we'll get steady soon. At the moment I am babysitting my adorable little nephew and he's driving moneky face crazy, so I have to go.

Is it Wednesday already?

My week is (almost) done! Woo whooo, yeah baby!

No work Friday, I get to sleep in for 3 days before we hit the road on our major road trip. The idea of driving in seperate vehicals isnt exciting and the idea of driving a moving truck is kinda scary but the outcome is SO worth it. I miss my daughter, I miss my mother, I miss my siblings and I cant wait to smoosh my little nephew. I'm not sure how we're going to handle Mr Wonderful's parents though. His father is nice but his mother is not so wonderful and yet I've still got to try to be the bigger person. I dont want to go visit them but I have a feeling I may have to.

In other news. My office is having a little going away lunchon for me tomorrow. I get to chose what I want, I'm going with fried chicken picnic. Sounds yummy right?

We had a little picnic Sunday early afternoon. It got too hot and Piglet got fussy so we cut it short. But not before I got some pictures...

I love spending time with my boys. They're such blessings. Espesially when they act silly and do things like climb trees! I'm looking forward to spending time with them at the lake back home. I dont think I'll put Piglet in the water but we'll see how he likes the sand.

As my world turns

Its Fridaaaaay!
YAY! So glad I get the WHOLE weekend with my wonderful husband. I miss him all week. We're in "work mode" and dont really get quiet fun time. I'm gonna try to get him to have a picnic with me Sunday if it isnt terribly hot...it'll feel like 110 today. Yay for Texas heat! NOT! Cant wait till we're home where it only gets to 100. ;)

So, lets see...
-Interrupted sleep makes for weird dreams. I dreamt my brother was a super hero in red and silver tights. LOL I dreamt that I got invited to a huge party via huge pop tart. ::rolls eyes:: I dreamt that there were 3 of my nephew. One was mentally retarded, one was physically retarded and one was normal. Weird right?
-I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm sure my little Piglet doesnt help with waking a few times a night but when I do wake up it takes me about an hour to fall back asleep. That sucks!
-We got the movers scheduled to help us move Monday the 20th at 8am. But we're thinking of leaving the 21st now. I think we need to move it up instead, but we'll see.
-Piglet's dr thinks he's teething. He's been pretty unhappy in the evenings and falling asleep early from crying so much. I feel horrible for him when he does that little sniffle thing. Its so pathetic. :(
-Mr Wonderful said he's excited about moving home. Which I'm surprised to hear.But I'm thankful to know that he isnt super miserable. It helps me not feel as horribly guilty as I have been. I'm also surprised to hear that he doesnt plan on practicing until we're in FL. Wow!
- I'm so positive that this move will be good for our family I'm not worried about us any more. I have complete faith in God and know that He'll take care of us. He hasnt let me down yet so I know we'll be ok. I pray about it.
-I'm planning on doing home day care when we get there so I dont have to leave my kids any more. Cant stand having my baby at Stinky Sitter's home ;) even though she is very sweet and good to him, she isnt me.
-I think Mr Wonderful is considering taking a class to get his Class D for security in FL. That'd be wonderful!
And I think that wraps up my week. Happy Friday!

Love Dare: day 40 - All done!

Day: 40
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

Ruth 1:16
Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.

40 days takes forever! Geez! ok...so maybe it wouldnt have taken so long if I'd have done the dares over the weekend too, but I didnt so oh well. Another thing I'm not going to do is rewrite or vows. We're commited to each other and I think our original vows work just fine for us. I just dont remeber what they are. Hopefully when we get to FL we can get the video of our wedding from his friends father. btw, he liked the letter.

Day: 39 - the letter

I enjoy writing, thats why I've blogged every day of this challenge. But I always have to warm myself up to it. I got to put my "fore thoughts" out there before the meaty "hind thoughts" come pouring out....

I'm looking back over old letters, emails, text messages (which some of them got steamy!) and blogs between us or about you and it makes me smile. We went so fast! Our relationship developed so quickly, it was exciting! That is, after I realized you liked me! Ha ha. I had an idea that maybe you sorta-kinda liked me but I wasnt sure. My mother even told me "Sarah, will you PLEASE open your eyes?!". But it wasnt hard to finally see. You'd have little "status messages" on Myspace that made me giggle. Or you offered to drive me to church.
I always say your eyes are so expressive and I remember looking into them and seeing joy, excitement, affection, infatuation and maybe hope...all mixed together. I could look at you and those beautiful brown eyes would give me butterflies!

Those eyes still give me butterflies. I like to look at you. I love to just soak you in and think about our fun beginning. And than think about how interesting our lives are and how they are going to be as we get older. Ha! Can you imagine us old and gray and still picking on each other? Me poking you in the ear and you breathing on my neck or head to give me the shivers? I wont be able to bite you because my dentures might fall out ;) ha ha.

The movie talked about "dont listen to your heart it can be fooled..." you need to think with your head and make conscious choices. I didnt always think that way. I usually did the opposite. Dont get me wrong, when it came to making important choices regarding our relationship I prayed and thought on it before I made any moves. But now that we're married its easier to lead with my heart. All the "tough" choices are made. When things dont seem perfect, "thinking" with my heart seems easier because it speaks so much louder than my brain. My heart will cry with joy or pain and thats so much easier to deal with than digging deeper and thinking clearly. There have been many times you hurt me. With your words or actions. I never thought that would come from you. Which made it hurt all the more. I put you on a pedestal and I realized I shouldnt have because that set you up for failure and set me up for disappointment. We're human and no human is perfect. No matter how much we'd like to be. Or how much we'd like the other to be.

So I'm learning and working on using my head instead of my heart. If the two work together well, than fine. But if they're in contrast to one another, I'm going to think with my head 1st. I'm going to pray for you. And pray for me. And pray for us. I'm making a promise to fight fair and to try my hardest to never do anything that would hurt you. Even if you hurt me. I will still continue to support you 100% and more in everything. Even if you dont believe me. I'm going to remember the good times and I'm going to remember that your good out weighs your bad. I'm going to remember that I'm not perfect and things I say or do can irritate the hell crap out of you, but despite that you still love me and kiss me and hug me. I'm going to try not to "nag" you (even though I despise that word and dont believe *I* am capable of such deplorable behavior. I'm going to make mental pictures of you with the kids and enjoy those for years to come. Just like I remember the night you mentioned me becoming your wife (I can tell you all about that night in detail later).

I committed my life to you and that will never change. I will work on making our marriage the best it can be and I will love you with my everything until the day I stop breathing.

Love Dare: day 39

Day: 39
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

1 Corinthians 13:8 (NIV)
Love never fails.

This is going to take some concentration. And being that I havent felt well in a few days its going to take some time.

Love Dare: day 38

Day: 38
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.

Psalm 37:4 (NIV)
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.

As you see I skipped days 36 & 37. Those days had to do with praying together and reading the Bible together. I skipped them because A) we have family Bible study every week (even though we've been slacking lately it'll pick back up) and B) I can ask him to pray with me and read with me but to be honest I know it wont happen. Or at least it wont last. At one point he started having family prayer every morning, we only did that a few times before we stopped. I need to remind him to get back on track with things so that we as a family can get it going. Its not his whole responsibility but I forget too because I get preoccupied. So its my fault too.

I often say that I believe 100% that Mr Wonderful can have the music career of his dreams, and I really do, but I never pray for it. I dont know why! I guess I just have so much faith that it will happen that I dont feel I NEED to pray. But I will start praying now. Every night I'll add it to my God bless my family, friends and pets... prayer ;)

Love dare: day 35

Day: 35
Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.



Proverbs 15:22 (NIV)

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.


My marriage mentor is Sharon. I talk to her about everything. And even though sh is divorced she doesnt have a biased opinion. She's very helpful. And I think once we get to Kissimmee, we'll be seeking counseling shortly thereafter.

Love dare: day 34

Day: 34
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.

1 Corinthians 13:6 (NIV)
[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.

Last night I told my husband that I was doing the love dare the conversation went like this:

MW: what was your 1st dare?
Me: to not say any negative things and only say positive.
MW: is that why you've been so nice?
Me: ::laughs:: yes
MW: and this was today?
Me: no, it was 32 days ago.
MW: ::stunned look:: really?!
Me: yeah, I'm on day 33
.....pause and silence.....
MW: ::jokingly:: does this mean the niceness is going to stop soon? Since the dare will be over?
Me: no, because that was only the 1st day, you have to institute the (collective) dares each day.
....another pause and silence.....
MW: ::no longer joking:: so does this mean our marriage is trouble?
Me: it means at one point I did think our marriage was in trouble. So I started the dare and its taught me a lot and helped me change my mind set.

That was the end of that. I went and sat with him after I was finished cleaning the kitchen and dozed off under his arm and on his chest. The best place in the world to be.

I think Mr Wonderful tries to glorify God on a regular basis. But like myself he doesnt always succeed. So I think commending him on this might help encourage him...now I just have to think of something specific. This is hard. I have no clue what specific thing I could point out to him. When I get stuck for ideas I look at the Official Love Dare website but today it isnt very helpful. I mean the one entry there talks about a husband doing things he SHOULD do but doesnt have to and how appreciative the poster is. I thank him on a regular basis for being so helpful and running Piglet to and from the sitters. And being helpful around the house when he can. So...20mins into writing this blog I sent him a text. I wasnt exactly sure what I was going to write but I found something to say. It said truly what I felt "I'm so glad that you're a godly man & that you love me & the kids enough to sacrifice for us".

Love Dare: Day 33

Day 33
Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

Ecclesiastes 4:11 (NIV)
If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?


THIS is a touchy subject. When *I* decided to move back to Florida I didnt include him in my choice. I tired, I really did, but it didnt end up that way. Its funny how this all evolved...ok, maybe not so funny and more odd. I got home sick while I was still pregnant. I got emotional one night and went to sit at the park for about 45mins and cried my eyes out. It was an ugly cry with fluids dripping from places all over my face. LOL I wished I had my family, I missed them SO much. But I pushed it to the side and told myself that I moved to Texas for my (now) husband and I'll just have to suck it up. Closer to the birth of our little Piglet I felt a little home sick again, I was upset that none of my family would be there for the birth but, again, I buried that and embraced the time as a new start with MY family. But soon after Piglet was born I couldnt push it off any more. Maybe it was because I pushed it off for so long, maybe it was hormones either way I brought it up to Mr Wonderful and he made it clear that there was no way we'd be going back. Now I could say "well, he didnt include me in THAT decision..." but I try (try being the operative word) not to base my behavior off others actions/words so. I prayed on it, I *tried* (there's that word again) to talk to him about it more but the more we tried to talk about it the more angry he got with me. It caused lots of arguments and stress. I prayed more and I thought about it more and it just hurt me more and more.

I mean, here I am, trying my damndest to make a life with my husband and children all the while I'm hurting inside. I gave up my life for the one I was/am currently living and I was NOT happy. I was just accepting. And for what? So my husband could be gone hours or days at a time working, leaving me alone with 2 kids (on Easter might I add). Or so my husband could focus more on his interests and wants while ignoring that of our family? Such is life of the wife to a musician but I am in no way enjoying this. How can I? I'm regularly left to be a single mother with no friends, no family and no life.

And all the while I feel tremendously guilty for doing this to him. People would think I'm nuts but I do. I love my husband. He IS my best friend he IS my soulmate. He IS my lover and confidant. I'd do anything I could to make him happy and I know that by doing this to him I'm hurting him. So yeah, I feel like a bad wife. I feel like I cant be a good mom and a good wife at the same time while trying to be true to myself as well.

SO yeah I didnt include him in my decision to move home and he didnt include me in his decision to stay here. We're both pissed at upset with each other when it comes to our living arrangements. And thats a major decision that we really shouldnt talk about because it wont get us any where but angry.

Love dare: day 32

Day: 32
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

1 Corinthians 7:3 (NIV)
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.


I am truly thankful that my husband and I have a WONDERFUL "intimate life". We've never lacked in that area. We may not have things we can talk about for hours upon hours but we have that connection. And I'd like to say I supernaturally new this was the next challenge last night when *I* was brave enough to initiate. Most all the time I try and he's busy with something else or tired and I get shot down. But I tried and succeeded and was very thankful I did :D

Please pray for Stellan

I'm sure not many people read my blog. But for the few who do. And the few that believe in a God above. Please take a moment today to pray for baby Stellan. Stellan is a beautiful blessing from God who is a child of McMama & Prince Charming over on My Charming Kids. He has had on going heart issues from the time he was in his mama's womb. The Lord has a plan for him, what it is we do not fully know, but we do know that he's a fighter.

Be well little Stellan!

-Just Me

Love Dare: day 31

Day: 31

Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.



Genesis 2:24 (NIV)
A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

I wish my husband would be brave enough to conqor his "leaving issue". But I'll give him the excuse that he is young and still learning.

Love Dare: day 30

Day 30:
Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

John 17:11 (NIV)
Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.

Thankfully Mr Wonderful and I are not like may others who are taking this dare. We arent on the verge of divorce. We're newlyweds, actually, and although we have tough times I believe its because we're still learning. I mean, he went from swingin' bachelor to husband and father of a 10yo drama queen and a newborn milk monster! I'm sure the poor man wants to run and hide on a regular basis. Than add in the fact that I was pregnant for half or our short relationship which included (more) drama, hormones, crying, worries about health for me and Piglet...I can go on but I digress. Mr Wonderful IS wonderful. He has handled our life, thus far, pretty well for a spoiled-selfserving only child ;)...as well as one can. Now dont get me wrong, he still has a lot of work to do. But I give him credit for doing what he's doing. I love him very much.

SO, with that said, I dont see a place of division in our marriage. I'll pray on it but I dont see one at the moment. We disagree on things but its nothing thats going to cause a division in our marriage.

Love Dare: Day 29

Day: 29
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Ephesians 6:7 (HCSB)
Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men.

Wow, day 29. I cant believe I've made it this far. There were a few times I was too angry to want to continue. I didnt care to work on our marriage and didnt care to make it better. Than there were other times when I was so happy I thought I didnt need this dare. We were doing just fine. But this dare isnt only about our marriage, its about the individuals. I have learned a lot about marriage and life in general thru out these 29 days. I have 11 more to go, I wonder how much more I can learn!

Last night I finally got around to dare 27. Yet I didnt apologize for what I had planned. I apologized for forcing him to go to FL. He made me feel horrible because he mentioned how I "screwed him" by making him return. We went tit for tat (as Mr Wonderful loves to say) with "I didnt MAKE you go, I gave you options." "No, you gave me an ultimatum." "No..." "Yes..." than we got quiet and shrugged it off. I feel bad on a daily basis that I put him in this situation.

There is a part of me that says "Why feel bad, he didnt feel bad when he 'tricked' you into staying here?" and another part doesnt believe thats true and can handle feeling bad. This hurt isnt near as bad as when I looked at my babies and thought of them growing up without their family. Or when I thought about not hugging my mother for months at a time. Or when I thought about Not seeing my sister drive or my nephew walk for the 1st time! I can go on and on. The point is *I* sacrificed much to do for my husband and in the long run we werent able to make our move work for reasons...that I hope and pray one day change.

But enough about ME. As I've mentioned many times before I always pray for my husband. Every night before bed. I used to pray every morning too but the lil Piglet has made that difficult. I'm so tired that once Mr Wonderful leaves and my head hits the pillow, I'm knocked out. But I will take some time to pray for him today. And pray for God to give him peace about our move. And pray that God will help him with any hurt I may have caused him by doing this to him. I love my husband with all of my heart, I'd never want to do anything to hurt him. Even though there are many times he hurts me.

Love Dare: Day 28

Day: 28
What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

1 John 3:16 HCSB
He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers.

I get my daily challenges from The Love Dare Official Site they have a community that members can comment on their daily challenges and how they plan to fulfill them. Sometimes I read them and my heart breaks for these husbands and wives who are truly struggling to keep their marriages in tact. I'm blessed that I'm not in that boat. Granted we are at a crucial place in our marriage but I'm hopeful that at the end of the day all things will work out for the best. I know Mr Wonderful doesnt want to move back to FL...at times I worry that he thinks I've doomed him to failure by "forcing" him to return. At the beginning I was worried that the move would lead to just that. But I pray on a regular basis for him and our family and the future and I'm confidant that God's plan for us hasnt changed, we've just moved to plan B. Our preacher once told us that our "plan B" may have been God's "plan A" all the time, we just werent aware of it. So, we'll see. But in either case I'm thankful that my husband DOES realize the value of our family and chose to come with us. At one point I didnt think he would come because he was worried about himself and not us.

This weekend I realized how dependant I am on my husband. I have NO "external life". Outside of my home I have no friends I see on a regular basis. I have no places I visit for my enjoyment. I have no family to spend Sundays with. I have my four walls, my husband and my children. Returning to FL will end that. Thank the good Lord. Because that isnt healthy.

Usually when I get into writing my dare I have no clue how I'll fulfill it and by the time I finish writing the intro I have my ah ha! moment. It took me a while to get it today (it was right about ....^...there) but I realized I shouldnt be deciding what Mr Wonderful needs, I should be asking what he needs. When I get home tonight I'll ask him.

Love dare: day 27

Day 27:

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.


Psalm 25:20 (NIV)

Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.

Nom nom nom...I'm eating a snack mix. When I was pregnant with Piglet I had this snack mix almost every day of my 1st trimester. Than I literally got sick of it (yuck =x) so I stopped eating it. Well I'm eating it again and its goood.

Any who. Last night I didnt fulfill my challange. Of course your curious as to why. Well thats because I fell asleep! Not only did I fall asleep while the baby was in his swing ::gasp!:: irresposnsible! But I fell asleep at 830pm LOL. My back was injured last Friday. I was scaling a steep rock wall and lost my footing, I started to fall when the rigging caught me and I jerked so hard from my free fall that my back twisted.....Ok so in reality I hurt it while putting my pants on, but thats besides the point. I hurt my back and I've been taking muscle relaxers and/or pain pills. Dont worry, I havent taken much so Piglet hasnt been affected, but it makes ME super sleepy. So when Mr Wonderful came home from rehersal I was knocked out with Piglet in bed with me, still in nursing position but sleeping. LOL Yeah, I was too lazy to get up and nurse so I laid in bed with him and let him go for it. Dont worry, he's an expert, he knows what he's doing.

Any way, I *think* Mr Wonderful will be home all day today and tonight, so I will talk to him tonight about "nagging" him (I hate that word). I will apologize for being difficult during the last few months and for becoming someone I've never wanted to become. But if I asked him where he believed I was being unrealistic it would be the area I always "nag" him about. I've asked him several times in the last year and eight months to please help me around the house by putting his things away. That is the one and only thing I really wanted from him. He didnt need to clean the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, NOTHING because I just needed him to pick up after himself. And he "couldnt" do that because it wasnt a priority...ok I'm getting off on a tangent. The point is I needed him to do these things and I bugged him about it but it isnt unrealistc to expect. Although he'd disagree. So in reality there isnt anything I should apologize for in that respect.

Love dare: day 26

Love dare - day 26
Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

Romans 2:1 HCSB
When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.

Areas of wrongdoing... I'm not perfect but I cant place my finger on my areas of wrongdoing. I started this love dare because Mr Wonderful was acting like a complete @ss and I couldnt stand to be around him. But I didnt want my marriage to end and I didnt want my family to suffer and most of all, I wasnt willing to say I failed....and during the whole time he was acting like an @ss I wasnt acting much better. **LIGHTBULB** My area of wrong doing was "nagging" him (although *I* wouldnt call it that, he would) and arguing with him when in reality I should have been trying to talk to him more. He even told me that I've become a "nagging wife" ::GASP!:: something I NEVER wanted to become. I will apologize to him for that. Tonight when I get home from work I'll sit with him and apologize for my abhorrent behavior.

Sleepy Tuesday

Today is day 25 of the Love Dare but I havent posted any entries because they havent applied to me.

Day 23: Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse



Day 24: End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed—today—and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.



I have no addiction or influence stealing affections from my husband or marriage. I used to allow others to sway my thinking. But since last year I havent allowed those voices to make a difference in my behavior or way of thinking. I also have no hidden lust. I lust after my husband and the love, joy and comfort he can bring me by his precense and affection. I enjoy him SO much! However, day 25 DOES apply to me...



Love Dare: day 25

Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”



2 Corinthians 2:10 (NIV)

What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ.

Love Dare: Day 22

Love dare - day 22
Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

Hosea 2:20 (NIV)
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.


I thought this exact thought the other day. I have to choose to love him, even though marriage is hard and even though there are times he flat out pisses ticks me off beyond belief. I know a lot of my issues have come from my total dependence on him to provide me with joy and entertainment. And when he failed to do so it affected our relationship. It isnt fair, but when we came out here we were isolated from friends and family. At first it was fun, being here, having only us, depending on ourselves out carve out our own lil niche in this state. But I think it eventually became taxing for us both. He was too busy to do for me and I was tired of only having him. Even if that was all subconscious. Even if it was very conscious. I mean, think about it...two grown people, having minimal interaction with anyone but each other. Eventually that would ware on anyones nerves. Add in our own marital issues and this "adventure" was doomed from the start. But I'm glad we gave it a try, I'm glad we came out here and did our thing. It tested us as a couple and as individuals.

However, we're going home now. YAY! Cant tell you how happy that makes me. And Monkey Face. She cried when I told her we were going back home. I'm looking forward to meeting his new family member. Mr Wonderful's cousin had a baby girl, she's adorable. I'm also excited to see his grandparents, as my own grandparents sucked. My grandfather wanted nothing to do with us and my grandmother made little attempt. And of course I cant wait to see MY family and friends. I already have a lunch date with my girls at Olive Garden. Cant beat the soup, salad and bread stick deals! ^_^ My little sister also needs some attention. OH and my nephew...did I mention I'm excited?! Cant wait!

Love Dare: Day 21

Love dare - day 20

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him. The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.



Isaiah 58:11

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Yesterday I was in such a crappy mood that I got my dare days mixed up. I was dispirited, downhearted, dysphoric (I'm looking up new words to use ^_^)...just not in a good place. Mr Wonderful, although the name doesnt always seem to fit, unintentionally did something that really hurt me and I couldnt help but cry all morning. He was clueless of course. But I mentioned something to him about it later in the day and he said he'd work on correcting the issue. But when I got home, once again, for the second night in a row, I didnt get any time with him. I wont get any tonight and none tomorrow either. A happy woman this does not make. I miss him. On the plus side we're taking steps to ensure our move. I'm excited!

Love Dare: Day 20

Love Dare - day 20
Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”


Romans 5:6(NIV)
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

Love Dare: Day 19

Love Dare - Day 19

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

1 John 4:7 (NIV)

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.


When I look back at these dares I realize that I had a hard time with any that delt directly with Mr Wonderful. Not that I didnt want to do them (except for that time I was mad) but that I was at a loss for what I should do. I couldnt buy any thing cause I was broke, I couldnt take him anywhere cause we have the kids, I couldnt surprise him with anything at home cause he's always here! But I'm glad I didnt give up on them just because they were hard. I mean, what if I took that approach to my marriage?! I wouldnt have gotten married in the place if that was the case. I'm sure he appreciated every thing I've done over the course of the dare, thus far, and if he hasnt at least I made the attempt.

Love dare: Day 18

I havent done a Love Dare in several days because I havent been in the right frame of mind. Which is pretty bad considering this dare is supposed to help you with your frame of mind. But its just been one thing after another agian this week and I've finally put my foot down and things WILL change...I hope.

We've had an on going battle of the minds concerning our return to FL. I've talked about it several times in my blog so its no secret to anyone. But it seems my Wonderful Husband is totally clueless and believes my feelins are secrets. I flatly told him that I feel he isnt mentally checked in to our family, but cause HE thinks HE needs to do certain things for HIS family and all the while we're screaming "NO! WE DONT NEED THAT!". We dont want him to be so into his guitar that he puts IT over US so he can achieve his goal and ultimately benefit us. I tried to explain to him that his eyes are so dead set on the horizon and the big goal that he doesnt see us standing next to him. He denied all of that...but I think when I finally said "I gave up all my dreams for you. I came here to support you in school and when I agreed to come out here I agreed on short term but when you came here and changed your mind I still stuck by you so we could have our life together but that meant giving up my dreams." He asked me what my dreams were and they're very simple: I want my siblings and mother around for Sunday dinners, I want my nephew and children to swim together, I want my husband to B.S with my brother while we're doing a family BBQ, I want my son's great-grandparents to spend time with him and way down at the bottom of the list I wanted to finish school. But after giving all that up for him I've gotten stepped on, several times, and it hurts. He sat quietly after that and I tried to tell him I felt bad for forcing this on him but I cant continue to sacrifice me and my kids for him if he's going to be absent but he told me to stop explaining, he'd accept what I want and we need to work on plans. He said he'd be pissed at me later. LOL I love him so much. I KNOW he is a good man...I think he struggles sometimes with how to go about it but I know his heart is in it. Even though his head might not be. So on to today's challenge...


Love dare - Day 18
Proverbs 3:13 (NIV)
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

Mr Wonderful works until 2pm today than has to leave for a gig at 4pm. There wont be time for a sit down and dinner. But the only way we're going to get a quiet evening is if we go to dinner. So I'm going to make plans for sometime this week.

Love Dare: Day 13

Love Dare - Day 13
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Mark 3:25 (NIV)
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

Nope, you're not seeing things, I've gone back to day 13. I was in the process of writing day 17 when Mr Wonderful and I got into a big argument. His temper is always a source of frustration for me and though I try to control my own temper, when I am pushed I tend to say hurtful things. And because I didnt lay the ground rules ahead of time we didnt fight fair. But I emailed him a lil while ago and told him we need a list of rules... I added more to the ones I already commited to:

1. I will seek first to understand, then to be understood
2. I will never raise my voice in anger or frustration
3. I will look for and own up to my own faults in any given situation
4. No mocking
5. No cussing
6. No hurtful comments

Sounds like we're back in kindergarten! lol But the basics of life are usually all you need. Mr Wonderful agreed that we need to work on that so hopefully we can keep each other accountable for that.

Love Dare: Day 16

Love Dare: Day 16
Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

3 John 2
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.



Its Memorial Day Monday and I have off work today. We're supposed to go bowling but at the moment Mr Wonderful is snoozing on the couch and Piglet is in his Pack n Play. I wanna take Monkey Face to Target aka Heaven for Shoppers ;) but idk when Piglet will wake up and I dont want to disturb Mr Wonderful. I have been slacking in the Dare dept. this weekend. I can blame it on the fact that Mr Wonderful was gone alllll day Friday (in Texarkana for a gig until 2am when *I* crawled out of my nice warm bed to drive 45mins away to get him thankyouverymuch) or that we were at the park for 1.5hrs Saturday and than he worked until late and worked Sunday morning as well. But its all because life is busy during the weekends, I rarely have time to get online and I just dont focus. In any event today's dare is an easy one for me. I pray for my family and friends on a regular basis. I pray for Mr Wonderful all the time. He is my husband and I want God to always be a major part of his life. So three prayers I have for him:

1) That God will help him overcome certain fleshly weaknesses that not only harm his spirit but the strength of our marriage.
2) That he will start to put God first in all he does. Even if that means other things need to be put to the side.
3) That he will start living as Christ and speak and behave in love more often.

All three of these things are things that bother me on a regular basis. Example: Mr Wonderful is the worse driver. He drives too fast, isnt observant of his surroundings and doesnt like other people. LOL Get him off the road and he's wonderful, on the road is a different story. Any way, Saturday, while heading home from the park, he yielded to allow another driver the right of way, which was what he was supposed to do. But another driver behind him honked the horn and so Mr Wonderful jerked around in his seat and crassly said "WHAT?! Do you want me to disobey the law?! JERK!"...all while Monkey Face and her curly-headed friend were in the back seat. Its not like he cussed or flipped the other driver off, but his aggressive behavior bothers me and I feel its a bad example for the kids. How can we teach them to love others as Christ did while calling drivers jerks? Cant.

And I pray that we both focus more on each other and not ourselves. After all, we didnt marry ourselves. We married each other and we need to put the other first and we need to focus on their the other's and feelings in order to be successful.

Love Dare: Day 15

Love Dare - Day 15

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.



Although I hadnt even read this morning's challenge I offered to iron Mr Wonderful's uniform for him. He refused but I told him I didnt mind, I'd do it. He will be at work until 10pm tonight and than he'll be gone all day tomorrow with an out of town gig. When I get home I think I'll clean up his "man hole" lol... we have a sun room that holds the computer desk, 2 amps, 3 guitars, music stand, CD's towers (I swear he has hundreds of CD's). Ok, lets be realistic, this mess can not be conqored in an evening. Especially if I have a colicy baby and a needy 10yo. I'll figure something out. I'm sure he wont notice, just as he didnt notice the clean car from a few dares ago, but at least I am making the effort.

Love Dare: Day 14

Love Dare - Day 14
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV)
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.

When I began this Love Dare I was sad, frustrated, upset, unsure and flat out desperate. We just had a baby 2 months ago, we were married 5 months ago and life is just a little hectic. It can be stressful. You'd think we'd be use to the whirlwind by now. We met in July 07, started dating in Sept. 07 and committed to each other by late Oct. - Nov. 07, we were making plans to move to a different state! But either way these changes made life difficult at best and my hormones didnt help either. I wanted wanted wanted and needed needed needed and if I didnt get it I got upset. It was all about me and my feelings. I'm thankful I was able to see that it isnt all about me and that I need to get out of my own way and allow God to rule in our marriage to make it what He's intended.

Being that we have an infant and a 10 year old at home its a little difficult to make time for each other. When I'm not nursing, cooking or cleaning I try to make time with my daughter. I feel like I'm neglecting her because I dont have as much time for her as I used to. And I'm too tired to pretend I have interest in the childish things she enjoys. But last night I made a meager attempt to spend time with him. I had to turn off auto pilot. My typical routine when I get home is kiss everyone, put down my things, and start on the kitchen OR nurse if I arrive at a certain time THAN hit the kitchen to cook and clean. But last night I started in on auto pilot and remembered the dare. I made myself a snack and sat at the couch to talk to Mr Wonderful. We cuddled and watched some TV for about an hour than Piglet woke up to eat and that began my busy night. After Monkey Face went to bed at 830, Mr Wonderful went out on our balcony to enjoy a stoogy and I finished nursing Piglet. I planed on going out to sit with him but I was so tired part way thru nursing that I couldnt keep my eyes open. I tried. And I'll try again. I'll make a point sometime this week to just BE with him.

Love Dare: Day 13

Love Dare - Day 13

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.


Mark 3:25 (NIV)

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.



We havent gotten into an argument in some time (about a month) and I dont plan on doing so any time soon. So I'd rather not bring this up right now and make a big deal of it. While reading the Official Love Dare Journal website I noticed someone referenced Stephen R. Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I think I will adopt these rules as my own and hope that Mr Wonderful will see them and start to share the same rules...eventually I'll tell him about them.



1. I will seek first to understand, then to be understood

2. I will never raise my voice in anger or frustration

3. I will look for and own up to my own faults in any given situation



On another note. Yesterday I made an appointment to meet with a counselor. I had asked Mr Wonderful about us seeing someone and he got all defensive, as usual, only to find out later on that he was reacting this way because he thought I was saying our marriage was in trouble and I was attacking him. When in all reality, it may have started that way, but the more I dwell on it the more I realize its something in me that needs work. Something in me needs worked out. Once that happens we can move on to us. Never did I imagine marriage would be such work.

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to
her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Ok, here's the second edition of Not Me Monday!

I have not been totally distracted all day, matter fact I have not been distracted for days, at work. I have not been on Myspace, TheBump, or BabyCenter entertaining myself for an hour or so at a time.

Today we took Piglet to his 2 month appointment. He measured 21 1/2" long and 11lbs. The people on the other exam room heard someone squeal with excitement at that revelation but it certainly was not me. I was not that excited that the lil baby I had 2 months ago at 5lbs 10oz 19" was now up to 11lbs!

After leaving the appointment Mr Wonderful and I ran to get some lunch. On the way there Mr Wonderdul ended up in the wrong lane and had to merge over. Unfortunatly he was in a turn lane only so when the police officer spotted him and told him to pull over, we did not leave after waiting for him to come and then he never did. I would not allow Mr Wonderful to get out of paying a ticket because he actually pulled into the wrong lot and that is why the police officer wasnt there to ticket him.

I did not take a 2hr lunch break. I did not abuse the fact that my boss was out of the office and take an extra 30mins to run for food when I knew I was supposed to be back in the office.

Happy Monday!

Love Dare: Day 12

Love Dare - Day 12
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.

Philippians 2:4
4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

We had nothing to argue disagree about. Thank goodness...well I guess its a good thing and a bad thing. Our current unresolved issue is like a squater that we're pretending doesnt exist. When we do discuss it, it turns into an all out shout/cry/silent treatment-fest. I absolutly hate it. Even worse I cant help but feel trapped because of the way I got here and the fact that I may not get back. Back as in going home to FL. When I fell for Mr Wonderful he told me he was coming to TX to finish the degree he started in New Orleans, than we'd be coming home after a few years. I figured I could handle this. I told everyone when I left that leaving didnt upset me because it was only temporary...than we got here. Mr Wonderful changed his mind and said "why go back?" and decided to stay forever. Which completely ruins the dreams I had while growing up. And completely changed all plans I had for a life with him. And is really crushing my spirit.

I really hope this dare helps me learn something to use to get over this feeling because I resent him for doing this to me and than getting upset with me when I dont want to go along with the new plan. And although we made an agreement to return if X and Y arent fulfilled, but I'm losing faith that this will happen. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it and I cry often. Well, thinking about it is once again causing a sick stomach and tears so I'm going to move on with my day and pray to God for strength.

Love Day: Day 11 & Happy Friday!

So, yesterday when I got home I came in the door, started dinner, talked to Monkey Face about her field trip to Ranger Stadium, nursed Piglet (successfully, with out the shield for the 3rd day in a row, thank-you-very-much!) than faced my challenge. I was tired and didnt want to get off the couch. I wanted to sit with my son and ::inahles & exhales:: ahhhh enjoy his sight and smell and feel while Monkey Face yammerd on (and on and on) about the songs they sang in the bleachers. But I commit ed to making my marriage a better thing so I hauled myself of the couch under the guise of checking the mail, went down stairs and cleaned out Mr Wonderful's car. Granted I didnt have time vacuum it (because dinner was still cooking) but at least I emptied it of the mess. I'm sure he will notice and appreciate that in the light of day. Because when he left for work this morning it was still dark.

Oh and you got to love waking up on a Friday morning to Aunt Flo. NOT! I was hoping that nursing would stave off that "gift" from God but obviously I am not a lucky one. I am SO tired, and so sore and so bloated. I think I'll go home tonight and eat ice cream. ^_^

Love Dare - Day 11
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Example: Choose a gesture that says “I love you" and do it with a smile.
Ephesians 5:28 (NIV)
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

I may be biased but I love this passage. It reads:

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—

Now doesnt that sound like the type of husband a woman would want? I am slowly seeing this type of behavior emerging from my husband. I can only assume its because of this challenge. He's been so much more helpful and more attentive, asking me if I need or want anything. So to complete today's challenge I did something he's asked me to do. He needed a Dr appt, so I set it up. Simple but he wouldnt do it himself and I can since I sit at a desk. all. day. long

Love Dare: Day 10

Love Dare - Day 10
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse. Something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Romans 5:8 (NIV)
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Yesterday I sent Mr Wonderful an e-card...

My husband,

I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate everything you do. You've been so helpful and so wonderful. You're a great dad and a great husband and I'm thankful you're in my life. I'm proud of you for starting this new job. I know its not exactly what you wanted but you enjoy it and more importantly you're doing it for us. You're being super dad and taking care of the baby while I'm at work, even when you're tired or wanting to do other things (like guitar or SLEEP!). And just by you helping a little bit around the house means A LOT to me. I can breath a little easier knowing that you're there to help me and I dont have to try and do it alone. I value you and our marriage and our family so very very much.

You're my best friend and I love you !

I did a lil combo deal. I told him how thankful I was for his positive attributes (day 7) of being a wonderful husband and father AND for helping around the house. And told him I was proud of him committing to a job he wasnt so hot for (day 8). He really enjoyed the card, he thanked me several times. So I'm glad that I was able to make him feel good and let him know I recognize his hard work.

I had to look for inspiration in order to complete this challenge...ok, I cheated. But I was completely dumb-founded as to what I was going to do. The original woman I got this idea from said that for her 10th day she was going to provide physical intimacy for her husband and she was going to make sure he enjoyed himself. Mr Wonderful and I are intimate on a regular basis and thanks to our connectivity we both enjoy it thoroughly, so that was out of the question. I found a website dedicated to the Love Dare and there were numerous entries from readers on how they completed their challenges. I got the idea from someone there, when I get home today I'm going to clean out the inside of Mr Wonderful's car. Ha ha...when we 1st met Mr Wonderful would clean the car with a fine-tooth comb and apologize for the "mess" if there was a gum wrapper in the ash tray. NOW??...oh boy...a family of roaches could comfortably live in the back seat, under the Mt Dew bottles, Chik-Fil-A wrappers and scratch paper.

Love Dare: Day 9

Love Dare - Day 9
Think of a way to greet your spouse today to reflect your love for them, and then do it with a smile and enthusiasm.
I Peter 5:14
14Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.

Ok, this is easy. Because I always...ok I almost always, greet Mr Wonderful with enthusiasm. I am genuinely glad to see him, I love to hug and kiss him. It makes me feel very good and I'm sure it makes him feel good too. We are very affectionate people. There are times we lay in bed and just hold each other and talk. I think that closeness creates not only a physical intimacy but an emotional one as well. Mr Wonderful can be a real romantic and when he chooses he opens up about his feelings. We are each others best friend.

So far this challenge is helping me a lot. I'm looking at my husband as the man I fell in love with. I remembering those 1st few weeks and months that I really "saw" him for who he was and what I mean to him. Those things havent gone away or changed, they're just so covered up by the every day that it isnt always easy to see. This challenge is forcing me to dig deeper.

Love Dare: Day 8

Love Dare - Day 8
Share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Song of Solomon 8:6
6 Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.

Wow, that verse is very romantic and strong. I like it. Ok, so I have to admit, I was slacking on the the challange this weekend. I am very tired. I want to sleep for 40wks. Not like thats an excuse but thats what I'm using. Any way, Mr Wonderful was working alot too. I honestly dont know what success I should be happy about. I told him I was happy when he got his new job, maybe I will remind him. Because it is really a blessing. Since we've come to Texas I've brought in 95% of our monthly income and there are times when I'm worried about it not being enough. And there are times when it wasnt enough. So imagine how much relife I feel now that he's working 3-4 days a week, 8hrs a day, brining in a steady income. Its wonderful!

I am a super average woman

This month I have blogged more than ever before! I'm back on my writing kick...although, can you call it "writing" when you're typing? None the less I am enjoying expressing myself thru word. (How's that?! lol) I have a few things to share today before I move on to the Love Challange...



Its been 22 hours since Piglet and I used the nipple shield! I am SO excited!My Wonderful Husband came to see me at work yesterday and brought Piglet. I'll never give up a chance to nurse....well when I'm awake that is ;) so when Piglet started getting hungry I asked WH if he brought the shield, which he did not. But I thought "why not give it a try, before giving him the bottle?" and surprise surprise, Piglet latched on like a old pro and had no problems "eating lunch"! I cant tell you how nice it was to have that experiance with nothing between us. God bless the person who came up with the nipple shield but nothing beats the real, flesh and blood, connection of mother and child.



My Mother's Day was alright, I recived lovely gifts, ate cake and enjoyed my kids. Mr Wonderful (as he'll be refered to from here on out, much easier) said he felt bad for not being home so he'd make it up to me this coming Saturday. Only to find out that he'll be working, again. Not thrilled about that. While he worked all weekend I was a nice wife and didnt make him get up with the baby, than on little sleep got up to go to work Monday.

I'm playing hooky today. I stayed home with Piglet in hopes that I could catch some Zzzz's. However Piglet has been fighting his sleep and is currently watching the nautical animals on his mobile and "asking" them why they arent moving. He's been up for a little more than 4hrs now and if he doesnt nap soon I wont be able to nap because Monkey Face will be home from school. But I checked in at work and there isnt anything for me to do so I'm not missing much (but payment!)....

from my lips to God's ears. Piglet has fallen asleep. I'm about to hit the sack!

Love Dare: Day 7

Love Dare - Day 7
On a sheet of paper, write out positive things about your spouse. At some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for having the characteristic.

I Corinthians 13:7 (NIV)
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.



If you arent familiar with the verse about "It" is referring to love...as in "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes...". When I met my Wonderful Husband I knew, with out a doubt, that he was the one God had predestined to be my soul mate. Ok...so it took a little while for me to even catch on that he was interested in me, which is a story for another time, but once I realized he was interested, every thing else was clear. As a sexual abuse survivor I've always found comfort in hiding. Hiding inside myself and avoiding external interactions. I kept my friends and family at a distance and if I didnt know you, well, I wasnt going to know you. But something about this wonderful man gave me peace. I had trust that he wasnt going to do anything to hurt me, ever. And in feeling that peace I was able to open up immensely and share life, laughs and love. Break out the hanky, I'm getting mushy! lol



On our 1st Valentines Day we were seperated by a thousand miles and a few states. I was still in FL tying up lose ends in preperation to forever change me life and follow my "heart beat" (as my friend Patty Cake called him) to TX. So, I decided the best gift I could give was my love. I emailed him a list of 66 things I loved about him, here's a snipett...



1. You always make me laugh
2. I love the way I feel in your arms
3. Your smile is captivating
4. Your intelligence is very sexy
5. You love my baby girl
6. My hand fits in yours perfectly
7. You know me too well (which is surprising at times)
8. You never gave me the pity look
9. You have faith in me
10. I have faith in you




So my challange today is to come up with more things that I love about him. Being that its almost 2yrs from the day we started dating I think I can do that.



con't...

67. You ARE an awesome dad
68. I laugh every time Piglet pees on you
69. You overload the washer machine whenever you do laundry
70. You pick up Monkey Face from school when you're home from work
71. You work hard
72. You have tunnel vision..which can be very annoying, but I love you any way
73. You're very good with saving money
74. You've shared your love of music with Monkey Face
75. You encouraged Monkey Face to learn piano and Cello
76. Once a night you wake up with Piglet so I can catch some extra sleep
77. You're a romantic
78. I love when you get me flowers on random occasions
.....

There are more but I'm not going to bog down the blog with them all.

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.



This is my 1st edition of Not Me Monday, after the weekend I had it should be a good one! Enjoy!



I did not peek at my Mother's Day gift. Nope, not me. I did not go looking for it in the direction that my daughter came from when giving me my 1st gift and I did not find the gift that my Wonderful Husband left in the same spot.



I did not get upset when my daughter slipped and told me my gift was going to be a braclet when I really wanted a necklace.



I did not feel like a complete shemp when I discoverd I was getting the necklace I wanted. Nope not at all.



I did not buy a yellow cake mix to make my Mother's Day cake, frost it and eat a quater of it by myself. No way no how! And if I would have ate that cake, by myself, I certainly wouldnt have polished it off with a big glass of cold milk. I would never dream of doing such a thing!



I am not currently obsessed with Campbell's Healthy Request Mexican Chicken Tortilla soup. I havent ate 4 of them in the last 2 weeks because the sodium amount on that can seems pretty outrageous.



I have not been a total slacker at work today. I havent been Bumping all morning and blog hopping.

I do not currently have my 2 month old sitting my desk at work, while attempting to work.

Love Dare: Day 6

Love Dare - Day 6
Choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.
Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)
32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

As you see I skipped over day 5. Not only was I not in the proper place to ask such questions, but even after I calmed down I remembered that I've asked him that question before in the recent past. So asking again would be redundant. I'm in a better mood today. I spent quality time with my Wonderful Husband last night when he got home, I'd missed him all day.

So, day 6. I'm glad this dare isnt directly related to WH because he left to work this morning at 7am, while I was still asleep with Piglet and he wont be home until this evening at 11pm...when I'm asleep with Piglet. This verse mentions "controlling your temper" which is good because I've been practicing patience recently. I realized the other day that I am quick to get upset and/or angry. Not only with my WH but with Monkey Face as well. I make the excuses that their behavior makes me react a certain way when really they may act one way or another but *I* have to control how I respond. Even when my 9 year old is yammering away for 10 minutes straight! Either way, this Love Dare Challenge is a testament to my desire to deal with my marriage in a loving way. With all the changes going on in my life, OUR life, recently I find myself lashing out and saying things I would have never before. Even if its in a joking manner. Things arent currently the way I'd like them to be but I have to make may marriage what I want it to be so I plan on working at that. My Piglet is crying to be nursed so I'm off!

Happy Mother's Day!

Not such a good idea...

My day 5 challange is...

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them.



After this afternoons crap I dont think thats a good idea. RWD...this afternoon my wonderful husband tells me "guess what! I have to work this weekend." WHAT?! Wait...you're telling me you're (basically) working from 2pm Saturday to 11pm Sunday, which just happens to be MOTHER'S DAY?!?!?! ::Sob:: Literally, I started crying. All I wanted to do was spend the day at the park with my family, enjoying the warm weather and hot sun. I WISHEDI could have a day at the salon, mani/pedi, eye brows, hair cut but that would've just been frosting. But that plan got ruined. So, I tried to put on my game face. I thought I could come home this evening and do my errands and than I could go to the park tomorrow for a few hours. But than I came home and WH ran out the door to a gig. Leaving me, once again, alone with the kids.

I know, I should be happy he's working. He's brining home money after my 6wk unpaid maternity leave. But I'm upset and I have the right to be. My WHOLE weekend is ruined cause my "WH" sisnt stop to consider A) its Mother's Day weekend and B) I dont wanna be trapped at home allll weekend with a newborn. Not cool

Love dare: Day 4

Love Dare - Day 4
Contact your spouse sometime during the day and ask how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Psalm 139: 17-18 (New International Version)
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

Last night was pretty uneventful. I got home with the kids, made dinner, changed my clothes, did some chores, hung on the computer, tucked Monkey Face into bed, fed Piglet and while I was still feeding him my Wonderful Husband came home, gave me a kiss and went to bed. All the while I had todays challange in mind. The fact that I carpool and am flat broke at the moment made the idea of asking "what can I do for you" a lil daunting. I mean, what if he asked me to grab him something from the store? Or make something special for dinner thats not already at home? But, once again an opportunity was provided (I hope it counts). My WH asked me before he left to PLEASE call and make him a doctor's appointment. I guess he has an eye infection from his horrible allergies. So I'm going to do that. Also before I left for work I prepared a home made pizza for him. All he has to do when he gets home is stick it in the oven. I know that will make him happy and help him out a lot. He's been busting ass butt this week, working, lessons, watching the baby and even waking with him at night. He's stepping up big time.

Love dare: Day 3

Love Dare - Day 3 Buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking about you today."
Romans 12:10 (New International Version)
10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves

Yesterday I was so perplexed as to how I was going to fulfill that dare. I was thinking all day "I only get a few hours with him before bed how am I going to make me this good?" I dont know why I feel it has to be some grand gesture. I guess I want it big enough that he'll notice but not big enough that he'll wonder "what is she up to?" Any way, I got lucky, poor WH had a rough day with Piglet. He didnt nap alll day except for a 30 mins stretch and he wanted to be held. The more I look into it the more I'm worried about reflux. But any way, when I got home I loved on my WH and told him how thankful I was for his hard work. Than I took Piglet with me to the grocery store. That gave my WH an hour to himself and he was able to get some practice in.

And since I havent seen WH since I left him snoring in bed this morning and wont see him until 11pm tonight when *I'M* snoring, I had to get his day 3 dare out of the way last evening. While out shopping I picked him up a bottle of wine to enjoy with his stoggie. Hopefully he'll be able to enjoy that soon cause he didnt do it last night.

So far so good.

Love Dare: Day 2

Day 2: Do at least one unexpected gesture to your spouse as an act of kindness
Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Today's passage seems to focus on forgivness. So I'm wondering if my act of forgivness, prompted by outside sources, counts as an act of kindness...I think since it was prompted by strangers on the internet it doesnt really count. I was upset with my WH because of a discussion we had before bed last night. Or wait, what about feeding the baby before I left for work? I usually make him get up to feed Piglet before I leave because I'm getting ready and dont have time (how bad am I??). But because he worked until 10pm last night and got up with the baby a few hours before, I let him sleep and I fed the baby. Even though it made me a lil late for work. But I DID enjoy the cuddle time with my boy so maybe that doesnt count either. It has to be something totally about him...

I'm at a loss as to how to go about this. An "unexpected gesture...as an act of kindness". Lordy, this challange is going to be harder than I thought! Or maybe I'm making it harder than it needs to be. I mean an act of kindess could be to simply get my WH a glass of water while he's watching TV. Ok, I can do this.

Love Dare

I came across a journal entry on Baby Center and decided this is just what we need. According to the OP the love Dare Challange is from a book and is in relation to Fireproof. A movie I've been wanting to watch for sometime. Any way, the idea is that every day I take a different challange to improve my marriage and with the way things have been recently I think we def need it. I've been stressed beyond belife and lashing out at my WH and he's returned the favor. So here goes!

Day 1:
"Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose to say nothing at all."
The fact that WH was sleeping when I left this morning and he is now at work until 10pm makes this easy...maybe I should start tomorrow? No, I'll start today. I have spoken to him and I'm sure I'll speak to him when he gets home tonight. Plus I've already said NICE things to him. So there.

Stuck in the middle

I'm not sure how many people follow my blog...matter fact, I'm not sure ANY ONE follows my blog. But here goes....


Monkey face and I have been dying to get back home for some time and now I'm worried we'll have to resign ourselves to staying in TX. I want to cry when I think of it. We made an agreement but I really think its bull shit puckey and wanna break it. Here I am mother of two, wife to one Wonderful Husband, sister, daughter, sister in law, aunt....I'm stuck with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel its in the best interest for my children to be home in FL. Home with their extended family to provied vital love, support and spoil sessions. I feel its important for a healthy child to be raised in a friendly environment. I feel I have more and more reasons that my WH COULD move to FL and still do his thing. And yet, he doesnt want to budge. And here I am, missing everyone, wanting to return home and dont feel I can.

I came to visit FL for a few days, a very unplanned, jetsetter mentality got me and the kids (still weird to say) on a plane and in FL for the weekend. Which was good cause WH and I have been on the outs and I needed a break from him. I was kinda hoping, in the back of my mind, that visiting would make me less homesick and I could stop "nagging" him about our agreement and just live and let live until Dec. But now, I feel more than ever, a strong need to get the hell out of TX. My mother is even trying to tell me to just leave, WH would HAVE to follow. But that doesnt sound like a wonderful plan. Everyone here keeps telling me, over and over and over, how I need to be home, I need to do it soon, I NEED to do this and that. I dont NEED to do anything, I desire to do many things but I am a married woman and I need to consider, if not sucome(sp) to my husbands desires. Which sucks ass butt. Being a Christian woman I have to let my husband be the head of the household. Being an imperfect woman I think to myself "I'm the bread winner, I take care of the home, I am the spiritual leader, I can make the choices alone"...Oh how I wish it were that easy.

He likes the swing!

Thank goodness! Piglet hasnt been content unless he was being held. And as you know, cooking, showering and sleeping are kinda difficult to do while holding a baby....I wont be sleeping while he's in the swing unless WH is home BUT knowing that he wont cry if I put him down in the swing is a big relife!

BTW I put the swing together ALL BY MYSELF! Boo-ya baby! ;)